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Minnesota D.A.R.E. (Parent Blog)

Today we are going to look at anger as a safe and healthy issue.  Parents, guardians, or a trusted adult, this a lesson designed to start a discussion with your children.  We are all struggling in today’s world with some anger and it can be very damaging.

Let’s talk to our kids and have an open discussion.

When people (adults and children) get anxious, scared, or frustrated it can easily turn to anger.  Anger is a basic emotion.  It can be positive or negative.  It can spur us to act or it can get us in trouble and hurt our health.

Each persons experience with ANGER is different but for some it becomes a problem. Ask these yourself these questions

  • Do others make me angry often.
  • My anger gets me in trouble.
  • I have occasionally become so angry that later I could not remember what I did.
  • Other members in my family have anger problems.
  • I have hit or harmed someone else when I am angry.
  • I often feel that I am the victim.
  • I often feel that no one understands me.
  • I have trouble controlling my anger
  • On average, I get really angry…once a month, every two weeks, once a week, every few days, every day.
  • When I get angry, I am most likely to…run, cry, scream, hit someone, destroy something, etc.
  • I blame others for my anger.
  • I frequently say or do things that you later regret.
  • I hold in my anger…silent anger.

Emotions Behind Anger:

Anxiety
Worry
Sadness (loss, disappointment, discouragement)

***Anger is an important emotion—indicates danger. 

****Anger is a choice—if you believe you can change your response.

We cannot always control the things happening around us but we can control our response.

When you get angry look for:

Triggers:

Losing patience
Feeling you are not appreciated or treated fairly (injustice)
Memories
Personal History
Worry about problems

How can you change your response:

Anger Management:
Keeping a log—when anger happens
Recognizing the feelings
Understanding Family Patterns (children imitate what they see)
Know your body’s response
Don’t mask your emotions (they will come out in different ways)
Watching the media and anger (stay away if necessary)
You can use anger for positive results
Learn to chill out…time a time out

Write about your anger – journal
Laugh (it melts anger)
Take a mental vacation—go to a place in your mind that you love
Releasing symbolically-write it down and throw it away
Relaxation Techniques-breathing, relaxing musles
Taking responsibility…apologize
Keeping things in perspective…don’t over think
Get the facts…sometimes we make up conversations in our head
Remember your view of what happened may be different from others.

Weighing the options…what else can you do
Be a better listener…sometimes we just didn’t listen
Compliment others…it feels good to make someone else happy
Watch your body language
Communicate more clearly…maybe they didn’t understand you
Being assertive, not aggressive (you don’t have to agree but no need to get aggressive)
Seeing how far you have come-compliment yourself

Other ideas???

Recognize your buttons:

People nag you
They tell others something you told them in confidence
They try to boss you around
They accuse of you something you didn’t do
They invade you space
Accuse you of saying something you didn’t say

Make repetitive noises
Borrow something of yours without permission
Borrow something and ruin it
Write nasty things about you
Go through your things

How does your family handle anger?

Blows up
Walks away
Yells
Throws things
Goes for a jog
Holds anger inside
Says mean things
Takes some time

Apologize

We all over react at times.

How does your body respond to anger?

Cry, face gets hot, grind teeth, roll eyes, breathe heavily, heart races, break out in rash, feel short of breath, get a headache, get a stomach ache, sweat, have nervous twitches, muscles tighten, feel dizzy, feel nauseated.

It is okay to get angry but we need to control our response.

What might you do to change your current response to take care of yourself? 

I hope this gets a conversation started.  Please stay safe!

What is D.A.R.E.???
 
MN D.A.R.E. is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization, governed by a
Minnesota board of directors, comprised of community members. Our mission is to educate and advocate for the safety and well-being of our Minnesota children through a collaboration with law enforcement officers, parents, schools, and community. We are a combination of prevention education and a relationship between our communities and law enforcement. The key to D.A.R.E. has ALWAYS been about relation- ships which is why the program has flourished for 30 years in Minnesota.

Many communities are now struggling with the relationship between law enforcement and the communities they serve. Minneapolis was one of the first cities in Minnesota that chose to drop D.A.R.E. programming back in 1998. Former Attorney General Hubert H. Humphrey III (Skip) and Former Senator Norm Coleman (who then worked with the AG) brought the D.A.R.E. program to Minnesota in 1989; a bipartisan effort.  They formed the non-profit, Minnesota D.A.R.E. in 1990, to administer the program as a 501(c)3. When Minneapolis announced they were dropping D.A.R.E. to replace it with liaison officers, Skip and Kathi Ackerman, the Executive Director of Minnesota D.A.R.E. met with the mayor, police chief, and superintendent. They begged them to continue community policing (DARE Officers; non-arresting officers) instead of liaison officers which are arresting officers in our high schools. With this move, many students would have their first experiences with law enforcement, a negative experience, and no positive exposure. Also, studies had begun to show that the key finding with D.A.R.E. was that the children and their parents not only learned from the officers but the officers learned from the children. These DARE officers began to better understand the community by working with the children. Minneapolis dropped the program anyway. Since 1998, other communities that kept the program have continued a growing relationship with the people in their communities. Some of the children are now adults with children of their own. The relationships continuesand communication channels are still open.  

Hope lies in future generations. It is difficult to bridge the gap when trust has been broken. Biases become ingrained. We must work on relationships build on mutual trust and respect. In 2016, Former Governor Dayton formed the Governor’s Council on Law Enforcement and Communities. Ackerman, spoke to the Governor’s Office about being a part of that group and was invited to help as a secretary. For months, community leaders and top law enforcement met, listened to ideas and speakers, and hosted listening session in our communities. Policy recommendations were made in 2017. Many of those recommendations were centered around community policing and involvement, better training, and to start by building trust with our children. Minnesota D.A.R.E. has taken those recommendations and tried to incorporate what we can in our programming. We continue to encourage ALL Minnesota law enforcement agencies to go beyond one-time community events to building relationships and working together with their communities. We have added training in mental health and diversity components. And, of course, we believe that our hope lies with our children.

We cannot do it this alone.  
Minnesota D.A.R.E.  is a small non-profit.  We are not government funded or controlled.  We have approximately 250 – 300 specially-training law enforcement officers that are certified to teach the D.A.R.E. program.  These officers are dedicated and love the children they serve. As the pandemic started they were called back to the streets but were still working double duty to finish up their programs in the schools. They knew the kids were counting on them. Minnesota D.A.R.E. has a system in place to quickly disseminate information and training to these officers. We bring together communities with local law enforcement. We work closely with schools and parents and have curriculum that is developed and evaluated by independent researchers and universities. We are NOT just a drug and alcohol program but are instead a social-emotional learning system. We can provide information on many safety topics very quickly for Pre-K – 12th grade, communities, and parents. Minnesota D.A.R.E. represents ALL children. We are not a reactive program but a prevention program. D.A.R.E. teaches students that there is positive strength in numbers. We are stronger when we work together. 

Let’s all join together for the health and safety of our Minnesota children and families and work on rebuilding trust.  

You can support your Minnesota D.A.R.E. programming by donating at   http://www.mndare.org

To start a D.A.R.E. program in your community or schools, contact Minnesota D.A.R.E. at mndare@aol.com

Dear Minnesota Children’s Safety Net:

During these trying times, I want to first and foremost say; Minnesota D.A.R.E. is a children’s organization.  Our mission is to educate and advocate for the safety and well-being of ALL of our Minnesota children.  We do this through a collaboration with law enforcement officers, parents, schools, and communities.  We are NOT a government organization or a law enforcement agency.  We are governed by a Minnesota Board of Directors made of members of our communities.

This blog is intended to help support parents, guardians, educators, families, and other role models.  I know that the tips I provide will not fit all children.  They are only designed to give you some possible ideas.  I also know that every child’s experiences, especially right now, are very different.  This is a very difficult time for our children and for parents/guardians/educators.  Let’s do this…

“Together for our Children”

We need everyone to come together to keep our Minnesota children safe and healthy! Let’s make a safety net.

***This blog is for adults.  The Kid’s Blog will be discussing important information for our children.   You can check at: http://www.mndare.org/WordPress/kids/

Many of you have been isolating at home with your kids. Some have experienced Covid 19 in their families or are healthcare providers that are under heavy stress. Others are in neighborhoods that have law enforcement and the National Guard present.  Here are just some things you may try to remember as we deal with our own fears and our children’s feelings about their experience.

  • Help your child feel safe, often. This is a time for hugs (social distancing with those outside your home), warm smiles, positive reinforcement, patience, and lots of your time.  If your situation gets to be too much; take a time out, go outside, walk, exercise, breathe, find an adult to talk to, and re-group.
  • Do not expect children to have the ability and tools to handle adult issues.  They do not understand the big picture; they still live in a small world.  Do not use them as an adult confidant.  This is a very scary time and definitely out of their control.
  • Be a good role model.  You are the most important role model in their life.  Children hear and see everything.  This is one of my favorite quotes:

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

  • Children have a tendency to take things, personally.  Example: If you are fighting with your spouse, they may think it is because they said or did something earlier.  If you separate or divorce, they may think they are the reason.  Do not tell them “you” make me mad.  You are responsible for your own feelings, not them.  Instead say “Mom’s getting mad and needs a break.”  Their behavior may be a problem but if you tell them they are bad, they will own that label.  With the label, the behavior will match.
  • Remember children learn what they live.  This is a very different time; look at things through their eyes.  What are your reactions? What do they see or think they see?  Remember, children (and others) mirror you.  When you are angry and yell at someone, what do you think they are going to give you back?  Children are learning how to react by watching how you handle things. 
  • Do not direct your fear and anger at your children or your family.  Sometimes we all need a time out so we do not just react.  Sometimes we have to say “I’m sorry.  I was out of line.”  Kids will learn that it is okay to make mistakes and when you do, you acknowledge them and make amends.
  • Set up a protective network for your child…grandparents, extended family, neighbors, friends, etc.  They need as many trusted adults as possible to be their role models.  Sometimes you will not be there and who should they go to?  Sometimes they are mad at you and who can they talk to?  Maybe you need to back up to come and give you a break. 

***This week’s Kid’s Blog is about, “What To Do In An Emergency.”  Please discuss this with your children.  In today’s world things may be different so you will need to rethink how to handle some of these situations.  Friends, family, and neighbors may be needed more than ever. 

Please stay safe and hug your children!

Kathi

Dear Parents and Guardians:

As we are now moving into summer, it is very important that we continue to talk to our children about prevention.  We need to make keeping our children safe a priority.  Many camps and daycare facilities are down this summer and we need to continue to provide the information they need to make good choices.  Let’s do this together and be positive role models for our children and all families!

In today’s world, it is very easy to forget about the impact this current crisis has on our children.  We will be working this summer to provide information and ideas for our children and their parents/caregivers.  We will discuss current prevention tools to help with some of the issues we are dealing with today and our everyday prevention information.  Please help us get this information to parents, teachers, caregivers, tutors, grandparents, and others who help make up your child’s safety net. 

Using Facebook and our website, we will be able to provide information to children via our Kid’s Blog and Adults via our Parent’s Blog.  “Like” and “Follow” our Facebook page at Minnesota dare for announcements on the latest information or check out our Blogs at www.mndare.org

***Kids Lesson #1 is now at: http://www.mndare.org/WordPress/kids/2020/05/27/minnesota-d-a-r-e-talk-lesson-1/

Have a great summer and stay safe!

Kathi Ackerman MSW, LICSW, LADC

Executive Director

Minnesota D.A.R.E.

See the Beauty

Are you seeing the beauty in your life?  Look around you.  Sometimes you have to look above the clouds.  It’s there…open your senses. 

Sometimes the clouds block our vision.  When things are gloomy, take the time to look and really see, the things you have to be grateful for in your life.  They are there.  YOU have to take action.

“Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action”—W.J. Cameron

North shore

Thanksgiving is about giving and being thankful.  This month, take time to be grateful.  See, listen, hear, taste, touch, feel, and smell.  Don’t complain.  Give up the negative thinking.  Enjoy what is right here, right now, and say “Thank you.”

Martin-Luther-King-Jr.jpg (1200×815)

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.” Martin Luther King

Martin Luther King wrote, in a 1956 sermon in Montgomery, Alabama, that “love is the most durable power in the world.”  He believed in “always avoiding violence.”  “If you succumb to the temptation of using violence in your struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and your chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos.”    He advocated for “using only the weapon of love.”

In today’s world, we are constantly bombarded with hateful and angry comments; criticism and judgment.  They are being spread in all forms of media and personal conversations.  What is legacy we are leaving our children? 

If we want peace, we need to be peaceful.  If we want love, we need to be loving.  If we want change, we need to be the change. 

As Mahtma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”  

  

“Don’t die with your music still inside.  Listen to your intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs your soul.”  —  Wayne Dyer

Heart music

What is YOUR music?  Do you have an intuitive inner voice and passion that stirs your soul? What were you meant to do or dreamed of doing?  What are you passionate about?  What comes natural to you?  Why are you not following your inner voice?  Have you taken time to listen to that inner voice?

Are excuses holding you back?  Many of those excuses come from years of hearing them from others and telling yourself those same excuses.  Why are you believing them as fact and letting them control your life?  Ask yourself if those excuses are even true?  Did you pick up some beliefs over the years and are letting them hold you back?  You need to take responsibility for achieving your dreams. 

What excuses are you using? 

Are you blaming others?  Why are you giving others your power?  Where is that getting you?  It is a waste of your energy and your dreams. 

It is too difficult.  You have no idea if this excuse is even true.  Look for opportunities in your path and move.  If you go into it looking for the obstacles, you will find obstacles and overlook the opportunities.

I can’t afford it?  Have you tried?  Look for options.  Do what you can and keep your eyes open.  Do not let others tell you that it is too difficult and you cannot afford it.  Do they really know the truth?  

No one will help me.  Have you asked for help?  Actively look for those interested in helping. 

I am not smart enough.  Who tells you  that?  You?  Then stop it; it is an excuse not a fact.  It takes different types of intelligence for different passions.  When you are doing something you are passionate about, it just comes naturally for you.  

I am afraid and need a safety net.  Then set up the safety net but start moving forward.  Don’t use this as an excuse to not move at all.  The common saying is “one step at a time.”

I am too busy and don’t have the energy.  It is amazing how we can find the energy when we start doing something we love.  Make the time.  Stop spending so much time on ruminating about things that are not productive, untrue, and are holding you back.  Get out of the past and the future; this is where depression and anxiety lie.  Get into the present and MOVE!

Where did your beliefs and excuses come from…your past?  Are they even true today or have you just convinced yourself they are true?  Why are you keeping them?  What is their value?  Are these beliefs just holding you back?  What would your life look like if you let them go?  Can you change?  Of course you can change!  You can always change yourself, it is others you cannot change.  This leaves you with the big question: Are you willing?

Become conscious every moment about the excuses you are telling yourself.  Learn to let them go and find your passion in this moment. This will lead you to your music!

Kathi Ackerman, MSW, LGSW, LADC