Minnesota D.A.R.E. Parents Blog

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is about.” 

— Angela Schwindt

Many years ago, my oldest son was one of the three kings in the Christmas play.  He came on the stage, fearless, with one of the other kings.  They both looked around to see that there was still only two kings.  The audience was amused as the two looked for their missing classmate.  The two kings continued on with their lines as a teacher coaxed the third king onto the stage.  The audience laughed but the two kings didn’t care; the show just went on.  I watched on with pride and tears in my eyes (I always cry at my kids’ school performances); the kings did not care what others thought, they were proudly reciting their lines.  It was Christmas and they loved everything about it!

Children excitedly wave to their parents from the stage.  They dress up in colorful, cute costumes.  (I remember one year my son had to wear construction paper elf ears.  He is now 31 and it is still a great memory we enjoy.) The children happily sing at the top of their lungs.  Then only a few short years later, you are dragging them to their school concert and they are begging you to call and tell the school they are sick.

The enthusiasm and excitement of young children at Christmas!  When did WE lose it?  Why did we lose it?

Have you lost your holiday spirit?  Get out and watch some children today, we can learn a lot about how to enjoy life!! 

Kathi Ackerman, MSW, LGSW, LADC

“The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”   —  Lao Tzu

Are you overwhelmed?  Does your world or the rest of the world seem out of control?  Do you feel like there is nothing you can do to make a difference? 

STOP!  DO NOT give way to fear and old excuses!  Your past experiences are to be used for learning, not for making up excuses.  Get out of the future and stop getting overwhelmed by the amount of work needed to get there.  You only have the present.  Focus!  Start by just taking one step; one step at a time. 

That project you have been avoiding??  Do just one thing on it, right now. 

The world problems that you have been complaining about??  Help just one person, right now.

Stop giving in to fear that allows you to procrastinate.  Start by moving one step and then figure out the next step.  You can only live moment by moment so stop wasting time, get excited, and see where those steps will take you. 

‘’”When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”    —  Victor Frankl

When the situation around us seems challenging and we don’t know what to do; maybe we should look within ourselves. 

We cannot change others, they must change themselves.  Forcing them to think or do what we want will only cause later anger and resentment. 

We CAN change ourselves.  What can we do to help the situation?  Are we just adding to the conflict or are we part of the solution?  Are we just complaining or are we helping?  Are we just handing out empty words and no positive action?

Showing unconditional love, kindness, empathy, forgiveness, respect, and acceptance can go a long way to positively changing yourself.  This change will have a positive impact on others around you and will spread.

Martin Luther King wrote about not trying to defeat or humiliate the opponent, but to win his friendship and understanding.  He believed that at the center of action must be love.

This holiday season, lets all work on making our own change to impact our world!  Make a change, be the change!

“I am only one; but still I am one.

I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.

I will not refuse to do the something I can do.”

–Helen Keller

Minnesota D.A.R.E. is a children’s organization whose mission to to advocate and educate for the safety and well-being of ALL children. 

Photo:  Mendota Heights Police Department

We don’t always get to see the positive things our law enforcement do everyday.  Our Minnesota DARE officers give a piece of their hearts to the students they instruct.  I want to share with you, over some of my next few posts, some of the letters, essays, and poems I have received from Minnesota  officers over the years.

The following poem was written by Willmar DARE Officer and Sgt. Julie Asmus.  She read this poem to her students and their DARE graduations. 

Officer Asmus was one of our first DARE Officers and recently retired.  She continues to serve as one of our DARE training mentors, instructing our new DARE officers.

I Taught Them

How much of what I teach

Will they really remember?

When peer pressure is heavy,

And they’re trying hard not to surrender.

Did I answer their questions,

In an adequate way?

Give information to support them,

In their decisions some day.

We talked about risks

And did skits and role playing.

I’m never taking drugs,

Is what they were saying!

It’s not about just saying no,

But about learning to care,

About themselves and others,

In this world that we share.

As I reflect back,

On our time together,

I know I’ve given them something,

They will use forever.

It’s hard to say goodbye,

But they know I’ll always care.

And I know they’ll make the right choices,

Because I taught them D.A.R.E.

–DARE Officer Julie Asmus

Willmar Police Department

Do you know that your outer beauty is a reflection of your inner beauty?  What does your reflection look like? 

Are you pouring out negative or positive energy?  If you are not liking the way others are reacting to you, look to see what you’re projecting.  When you are giving anger, criticism, or judgment; you may just be getting it reflected right back at you.

Try giving kindness, understanding, maybe a smile and see what you get in return.  If someone is being harsh to you, you don’t have to take it personally.  Try reflecting back understanding and kindness; see what happens.

Before you go blaming others for their poor behaviors, look at what YOU are giving to them.

We get to choose what you want to reflect.  What do you see in the mirror?

As today is setting, remember that what happened is in the past.  We cannot change it.  We do have some choices we can make; we can cherish the memory of it, we can ruminate about what went wrong, or we can learn from it and let it go.  You get to decide what you want to do with the past and where you want to channel your energy. 

Tomorrow will be a new day and everyday can be a new beginning.  You can build on your past and make your present different.  Cherish the present; a present is a gift. 

As you say goodbye to your day, be grateful for the experiences.  Learn from your successes and failures.  Tomorrow is a new day and is your new beginning!

Kathi Ackerman, MSW, LGSW, LADC

Are others concerned about your relationship with someone?  Can they see something that you cannot?  Do you know who you are really dating?  Have you checked them out?  Do they have a past history of domestic violence or criminal behavior?  Are they blaming any past history on others?  Are you being alienated from family and friends?

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

Domestic Abuse

Red Flags to Consider When Beginning a New Relationship

(From: Caring Unlimited website – http://www.caring-unlimited.org/what-is-domestic-violence/for-victims-and-survivors/is-my-relationship-abusive

The following is a list of red flags for you to notice and pay attention to when dating someone or beginning a new relationship. Some of them are indicators that the relationship may become abusive. Others are positive indicators that you are becoming involved with an abuser. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you are dating an abuser.

Quick Involvement

• 6 months or less before living together/engaged
• Claims of love at first sight
• Says you are the only one who can make him/her feel this way
• Pressures you for commitment

Unrealistic Expectations

• Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman
• Very dependent on you for all needs
• Expects you to be perfect
• Says things like, I am all you need. You are all I need

Controlling Behavior

• Advises you how to dress without your asking for advice
• Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time
• Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions
• Becomes extremely worried or angry when you are late
• Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went
• Insists that you check in constantly
• Monitors your phone/email
• Makes you ask permission to do certain things

Jealousy

• Wants to be with you constantly
• Accuses you of cheating all the time
• Follows you around or frequently calls during the day
• Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you

Isolation

• Tries to cut off all your resources
• Puts down everyone you know: says friends are stupid, promiscuous, or accuses you of cheating with them; says family is too controlling, they don’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them
• Refuses to let you use car or talk on the phone
• Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work

Blames Others for Problems

• If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else’s fault
• You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship

Blames Others for Feelings

• Makes you responsible for how they feel:

• You made me mad.
• You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask.
• I can’t help being angry.
• You make me happy.
• You control how I feel.

Hypersensitivity

• Easily insulted
• Sees everything as a personal attack
• Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to him
• Totally goes off about small irritations
• Looks for fights
• Blows things out of proportion

Disrespectful or Cruel to Others

• Punishes animals/children cruelly
• Insensitive to pain and suffering
• High expectations of children beyond their abilities
• Teases children or younger sibling(s) until they cry
• Doesn’t treat other people with respect

Expects Control During Sex

• Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance
• Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you

Rigid Sex Roles

• Believes women are inferior to men
• Unable to be a whole person without a relationship

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

• Sudden mood changes–like the person has two different personalities
• One minute nice/next minute exploding
• One minute happy/next minute sad

Past Battering

• You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn’t that bad

Breaking or Striking Objects

• Used as punishment
• Breaks cherished possessions
• May beat on tables with fist
• Throws objects at/around/or near you

Any Force during an Argument

• Physically restrains you from leaving the room
• Pushes or shoves you

http://www.caring-unlimited.org/what-is-domestic-violence/for-victims-and-survivors/is-my-relationship-abusive

Get up today and choose your day.  No matter what you have to do today or what happens; you still can control how you want to face the day. 

Take a moment and see the positive in your life.  It’s there; sometimes you just choose not to see it.  There is beauty all around us.

You can be grateful for your past but don’t stay there.   You can’t change it; you can only change this moment.  The past is passed but the “present”is a gift.

You can change your perceptions; just open your mind.  Choose peace and love; it can help you let go of fear and hate.

Today, choose to adopt an enthusiastic and grateful attitude.  Be alive!  Let your enthusiasm show and soar! 

Parents, you are your children’s role model.  What are you choosing to model?

“Learn to be silent. Let your quiet mind listen and absorb.”

– Pythagoras (580 B.C. – 500 B.C.)

May is often an incredibly busy time.  School is getting ready to end for the year, there are many events going on, and we are trying to get caught up on spring clean-up tasks.  Are you feeling like you are on overload?

It is estimated that a person has over 60,000 separate thoughts per day…every day.  Is it any wonder we are exhausted?

Yet we fill silent gaps in conversations and are bored when we sit alone.  We need  time to just listen and be silent.

Take time this week to find silence and enjoy it.  Give your mind a short vacation and just “be.”  Feel the cool air of spring.  Smell all of the fresh smells.  See the beauty.

“All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.”

-Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)