Are others concerned about your relationship with someone? Can they see something that you cannot? Do you know who you are really dating? Have you checked them out? Do they have a past history of domestic violence or criminal behavior? Are they blaming any past history on others? Are you being alienated from family and friends?
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
Domestic Abuse
Red Flags to Consider When Beginning a New Relationship
(From: Caring Unlimited website – http://www.caring-unlimited.org/what-is-domestic-violence/for-victims-and-survivors/is-my-relationship-abusive
The following is a list of red flags for you to notice and pay attention to when dating someone or beginning a new relationship. Some of them are indicators that the relationship may become abusive. Others are positive indicators that you are becoming involved with an abuser. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you are dating an abuser.
Quick Involvement
- 6 months or less before living together/engaged
- Claims of love at first sight
- Says you are the only one who can make him/her feel this way
- Pressures you for commitment
Unrealistic Expectations
- Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman
- Very dependent on you for all needs
- Expects you to be perfect
- Says things like, I am all you need. You are all I need
Controlling Behavior
- Advises you how to dress without your asking for advice
- Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time
- Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions
- Becomes extremely worried or angry when you are late
- Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went
- Insists that you check in constantly
- Monitors your phone/email
- Makes you ask permission to do certain things
Jealousy
- Wants to be with you constantly
- Accuses you of cheating all the time
- Follows you around or frequently calls during the day
- Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you
Isolation
- Tries to cut off all your resources
- Puts down everyone you know: says friends are stupid, promiscuous, or accuses you of cheating with them; says family is too controlling, they don’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them
- Refuses to let you use car or talk on the phone
- Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work
Blames Others for Problems
- If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else’s fault
- You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
Blames Others for Feelings
- Makes you responsible for how they feel:
- You made me mad.
- You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask.
- I can’t help being angry.
- You make me happy.
- You control how I feel.
Hypersensitivity
- Easily insulted
- Sees everything as a personal attack
- Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to him
- Totally goes off about small irritations
- Looks for fights
- Blows things out of proportion
Disrespectful or Cruel to Others
- Punishes animals/children cruelly
- Insensitive to pain and suffering
- High expectations of children beyond their abilities
- Teases children or younger sibling(s) until they cry
- Doesn’t treat other people with respect
Expects Control During Sex
- Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance
- Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you
Rigid Sex Roles
- Believes women are inferior to men
- Unable to be a whole person without a relationship
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
- Sudden mood changes–like the person has two different personalities
- One minute nice/next minute exploding
- One minute happy/next minute sad
Past Battering
- You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn’t that bad
Breaking or Striking Objects
- Used as punishment
- Breaks cherished possessions
- May beat on tables with fist
- Throws objects at/around/or near you
Any Force during an Argument
- Physically restrains you from leaving the room
- Pushes or shoves you