Minnesota D.A.R.E. (Parent Blog)
Today we are going to look at anger as a safe and healthy issue. Parents, guardians, or a trusted adult, this a lesson designed to start a discussion with your children. We are all struggling in today’s world with some anger and it can be very damaging.
Let’s talk to our kids and have an open discussion.
When people (adults and children) get anxious, scared, or frustrated it can easily turn to anger. Anger is a basic emotion. It can be positive or negative. It can spur us to act or it can get us in trouble and hurt our health.
Each person’s experience with ANGER is different but for some it becomes a problem. Ask these yourself these questions.
- Do others make me angry often.
- My anger gets me in trouble.
- I have occasionally become so angry that later I could not remember what I did.
- Other members in my family have anger problems.
- I have hit or harmed someone else when I am angry.
- I often feel that I am the victim.
- I often feel that no one understands me.
- I have trouble controlling my anger
- On average, I get really angry…once a month, every two weeks, once a week, every few days, every day.
- When I get angry, I am most likely to…run, cry, scream, hit someone, destroy something, etc.
- I blame others for my anger.
- I frequently say or do things that you later regret.
- I hold in my anger…silent anger.
Emotions Behind Anger:
Anxiety
Worry
Sadness (loss, disappointment, discouragement)
***Anger is an important emotion—indicates danger.
****Anger is a choice—if you believe you can change
your response.
We cannot always control the things happening around us but we can control our response.
When you get angry look for:
Triggers:
Losing patience
Feeling you are not appreciated or treated fairly (injustice)
Memories
Personal History
Worry about problems
How can you change your response:
Anger Management:
Keeping
a log—when anger happens
Recognizing the feelings
Understanding Family Patterns (children imitate what they see)
Know your body’s response
Don’t mask your emotions (they will come out in different ways)
Watching the media and anger (stay away if necessary)
You can use anger for positive results
Learn to chill out…time a time out
Write
about your anger – journal
Laugh (it melts anger)
Take a mental vacation—go to a place in your mind that you love
Releasing symbolically-write it down and throw it away
Relaxation Techniques-breathing, relaxing musles
Taking responsibility…apologize
Keeping things in perspective…don’t over think
Get the facts…sometimes we make up conversations in our head
Remember your view of what happened may be different from others.
Weighing
the options…what else can you do
Be a better listener…sometimes we just didn’t listen
Compliment others…it feels good to make someone else happy
Watch your body language
Communicate more clearly…maybe they didn’t understand you
Being assertive, not aggressive (you don’t have to agree but no need to get
aggressive)
Seeing how far you have come-compliment yourself
Other ideas???
Recognize your buttons:
People nag you
They tell others something you told them in confidence
They try to boss you around
They accuse of you something you didn’t do
They invade you space
Accuse you of saying something you didn’t say
Make repetitive noises
Borrow something of yours without permission
Borrow something and ruin it
Write nasty things about you
Go through your things
How does your family handle anger?
Blows up
Walks away
Yells
Throws things
Goes for a jog
Holds anger inside
Says mean things
Takes some time
Apologize
We all over react at times.
How does your body respond to anger?
Cry, face gets hot, grind teeth, roll eyes, breathe heavily, heart races, break
out in rash, feel short of breath, get a headache, get a stomach ache, sweat,
have nervous twitches, muscles tighten, feel dizzy, feel nauseated.
It is okay to get angry but we need to control our response.
What might you do to change your current response to take care of yourself?
I hope this gets a conversation started. Please stay safe!